How Becoming a Doctor Changed Me

If you had asked me years ago what earning a doctorate would feel like, I would’ve confidently said something like “accomplishment” or “expertise.” I pictured myself standing a little taller, walking into rooms with that “doctoral” energy, finally feeling like someone who knew something.

But WOW.. was I mistaken.

This whole doctoral journey has humbled me faster than anything else in my life. You dive into research thinking you understand your topic, and then suddenly you’re discovering how much you don’t know. Every interview reminds you that people’s stories are far more complex, sacred, and beautiful than you can capture in a chapter heading.

I’ve spent a whole year studying young leaders, but the truth is: they have taught me far more than I could ever teach them.

Their honesty, their struggles, their resilience, each conversation helped me see leadership with new eyes. And in seeing them more clearly, I began to see myself more clearly too.

After listening to story after story of young leaders navigating confidence and fear, calling and longing, I found myself at a loss for words. There were nights I sat at my computer, listening back to interviews, staring at the blinking cursor thinking, How am I supposed to put this into words? How can I faithfully explain the kind of story God is writing in someone’s life?

In the middle of all my studying, writing, and interviewing, I’ve found myself coming back to the same place over and over again: sitting before Jesus and asking Him for wisdom. Not the kind of wisdom that just helps me finish a chapter or make sense of my data, but the kind of wisdom that helps me shepherd people well. The kind Solomon asked for, not for success, but for the ability to care for God’s people with intention and integrity.

It’s interesting, when I first started this journey, I assumed the title would be the part that mattered. I thought it represented accomplishment or expertise, something to work toward and eventually hold with pride. But something in me shifted. The title stopped being the point. What mattered was the kind of person I was becoming in the process.

I used to want the title.
Now I just want to be worthy of it.

I don’t know exactly what the end of this process will look like, but I do know this: I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of this journey. And my prayer is that whatever the Lord has taught me along the way will become something that shapes and strengthens the young leaders coming behind me.